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Show #197: My guest on the show is Dr. Jed Diamond, Author of several books, but most recently “The Enlightened Marriage”.
What to Do When He Says, “I’m Not in Love With You!”
On this week’s show, I welcome back Dr. Jed Diamond, an accomplished author of several books. Jed has been a psychotherapist for over 40 years, focusing on men’s issues within relationships. By learning from his past struggles with forging strong, happy marriages, he has made it his duty to help both couples and individuals on their own journeys toward enjoying successful relationships.
All too often, women find themselves struggling to cope with the devastation they feel when a man they’ve fallen in love with doesn’t return the feeling. This week, Jed offers relationship advice for women as we discuss what you should do when a man says, “I’m not in love with you.”
From a woman’s perspective, hearing the words “I’m not in love you” may first come across as a shock that leaves your heart feeling as if it’s been stabbed. According to Jed, however, there’s a lot more to the story in regards to what a man is feeling that pushes him to say such harsh words. Often, a man isn’t saying that he wants the relationship to end – rather, he is unhappy. Something about the relationship is causing him pain, and he feels he has no other way of expressing his unhappiness than to tell his woman he’s not in love with her.
Relationship Advice #1: Don’t Panic
Jed’s first bit of relationship advice for women dealing with a man that says he’s not in love with her is to not panic. While it may not be an easy thing to simply relax when all you’re feeling is the pain from being hurt by someone you care dearly for, it’s important to be able to ground yourself in order to think clearly about the situation your relationship is in.
Relationship Advice #2: Ask Him to Tell You More
After the panic subsides, it’s important to next to uncover the source of the unhappiness within the relationship. While it may seem impossible to bear hearing your partner explain further his reasons for telling you he’s not in love with you, ask him instead to tell you more. Doing so will allow you to pinpoint the source of his pain and move forward with the relationship.
Relationship Advice #3: Dig Deeper
Jed’s third and final bit of relationship advice for women is to recognize when the relationship needs to go deeper. Remember – the relationship is not necessarily over when he tells you he’s not in love with you. Rather, it’s often the first sign of what Jed calls “a period of disillusionment.” While a couple may fall out of the initial feelings of love, such as those they felt when they first met, they may still have developed a deeper connection that allows them to recapture those stronger initial feelings. If both partners keep calm and not abandon the relationship too soon, they have the opportunity to take their connection to a deeper, more fulfilling stage of love.
In the comments below, let us know your thoughts on Jed’s tips and advice. What do you think a women should do when a man says, “I’m not in love with you”?
About the Guest: Dr. Jed Diamond is also the accomplished author of several books. His most recent book, The Enlightened Marriage, describes the five stages that couples go through in every relationship.
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