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Show #229: My guest on the show is Iris Benrubi, Relationship Coach at Simply Success.
I’m Scared to Get Back Out There and Date!
Heartbreak can be terrifying. You shut down, and you’re afraid that you may make the same mistakes again as you attempt to move forward into a new relationship.
The same thing was true for Iris Benrubi. After being married for 18 years and feeling scared about her future love life, she finally got back out there and dated after allowing herself to grieve.
Today, Iris and I discuss this very process of moving on with your life after a period of being single. Just remember, ladies—we all can learn to overcome our fears and stop saying “I’m scared to get back out there and date!”
It’s Normal to Feel Anxious When Dating Again
The important thing to remember is that if you’re anxious, it’s normal. This is the first realization you should make in order to move forward. It’s just your bodies way of protecting you from the unknown and keeping you in a safe space that you feel comfortable in. But you’ll never find love this way! To find the relationship of your dreams, you need to make the choice between staying safe and taking risks to find the right man for you.
Experiment When You Get Back Out There and Date
Use dating to experiment by trying out online dating or by asking your friends to set you up with a man they’ve already vetted. By having fun and trying out new things, you’ll remove yourself slightly from the experience which will help relieve some of the anxiety that you may be feeling toward getting back out there and dating again. You’ll be able to gather more information about what you’re looking for and what works and doesn’t work in your approach to men. Remember, you are in control, and your dating life will go exactly the way you steer it.
Be Clear On What You Want Out of Your Dating Life
When you’re absolutely clear on what you want out of life and love, the process of getting back out there and dating again will be easier for you. Iris advices you to have a top ten list of things that you know you want or don’t want out of a relationship. By having this list and staying true to it, you’ll be able to more quickly identify if a man isn’t right for you. You won’t be a leaf flying through the wind, lost and waiting for a man to come along and choose you. Instead, you must be the chooser. If you come across a man that seems to fit some of the things on your top ten list, get to know him. If he doesn’t, let him know that you just don’t think it’s the right match. If you still feel anxious, remember that a dating and relationship coach is there to hold your hand through the process and to help you finally overcome your fears and anxieties of getting back out there and dating again.
What are your thoughts on Iris’s tips for getting back out there and dating again? Leave us your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
If you want to know the secrets on where to meet men, then check out my eBook, “The Secrets to Meeting Men!” – Find out how to meet men!
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I find it ironic that dating coaches say that friends are good at vetting Men as well meaning friends have our best interests at heart, they too can inadvertently be duped by a narcissist. Sad but true